Unfortunate events..

hmm.. sometimes i ponder, why does things always go against what i wish it could become?
it all started from the sms that i received from the police force for an interview for me.. and also on the same day came a letter regarding my enlistment for army.. i was hoping i could be enlisted under police force or at least civil defense. but what i got is what i least expected..
bottom line, i have to go for army and i screwed up my police force interview.. i had insomnia for days and kept on losing appetite..

i keep on thinking other better possible answers that i could answer the interviwers. frankly, i am deeply, greatly disappointed with myself. never would i ever thought that i could really screw up an interview and made myself like a fool in front of them.. actually i already know the outcome of that interview as soon as i start speaking in that interview room.. but sometimes truth hurts.. and takes time accept it..
i cant make myself stop thinking bout that interview.. it seem like replaying in my head for days..
no one knows what was going through on my mind that made me couldnt sleep for days.. n bcos of that my mum got really worried.. urgh.. im pretty much like a loser.. never fail to suck at interviews..

after having 2 disappointments, i though things would be somehow go to my liking.. the day that i have been waiting for, that is my Graduation Ceremony is on 11 may.. less than a week, only a few days apart.. but i just found out today that it was postponed till further notice. of course i was shocked and definately angry.. it's the day that i have been waiting for so long.. since last time, i have been wanting to wear the graduation gown.. in fact i have already rented it out from the school stall.. i went further to get extra tickets for me family members to watch my graduation.. woke up in the morning just to get that extra tickets.. everything was ready, my shirt, my tie, my graduation gown and also people who are attending my graduation.. whats left is just to wait for the day to come..

5 more days to go and an announcement of postponing the ceremony was spread.. the feel of excitement is completely gone even if the ceremony were to be scheduled at another time.. all because of the swine flu.. what makes me feel rather angry is that only my course students r affected.. other courses graduation will go as planned starting next wk.. it's all becos we're nurses, that we might carry swine flu virus around? that is so absurd.. how bout other ppl who has been travelling lately and attending the ceremony? have they thought of that?.. why must they be unfair to us?they r just too afraid.. damn kiasu

now i am told to return the graduation gown and collect the diploma cert at the school office.. all my effort is put up to no use.. woke up in the morning just for the ticket, wasted my money on the tie and the shirt, and im really broke.. my dream just cant come true.. sigh..

everything seem to be a disappointment for me.. and soon i'll know there's another disappointment.. the result of the university admission application.. although i know even from the start that my chance for admission is slim, but i couldnt make myself to believe..

if this graduation will not come true, then will i ever get to walk on the stage wearing that graduation gown? going to the university,hmm fat hope..
i just hope things will go fine in time to come, and that i could achieve something bigger that what i've missed..

well i know these r just part n parcel of life that test and also make ourselves stronger for tomorrow.. everyone has to go through no matter how sad, disappointed or emotional you can be..
'when the going gets tough, the tough gets going'